Lisa McLellan’s blog

Living in a seaside town, we go to the beach quite often in the summertime.  When my kids were babies, it was such a chore taking them to the beach, but they loved it so much.  My son loved to eat the sand by the handfuls (yuck, yuck, yuck).  My daughter wouldn't go in the water because it was too cold (couldn't blame her, this is New England). I absolutely could not relax because I needed to keep both eyes on my son constantly because he was a wanderer.    Even leaving the beach was work.  Sand all over everyone and everything.  The worst thing was sand in the diapers and when you tried to change them, you just got sand in the new one because the wipes made the baby's skin wet and then sand would somehow get back in and stick all over her. 

One day, a woman sitting nearby with a brood of her own was watching me trying to change my daughter's diaper standing up.  I was pouring water over her bottom half in an attempt to get the sand off while she was screaming at the top of her lungs because the water was freezing.  Then, I grabbed a towel to dry her and of course the towel had sand on it and I was right back almost to where I started.

The woman walked over and handed me a container of powder and said "try this."  I couldn't believe it.....the powder made the sand fall right off her body.  Two seconds - no sand!  I couldn't believe how easy it was.  After that, it was powder for the whole family before leaving the beach.  My car also saw a lot less sand as a result and we were all much more comfortable.

Lisa McLellan

Childcare Expert

Ok, my good friend Dr. Helton requested a dog story a while back.  And, since I have I have a page on my website entitled "Pets are People Too" then I'm still on topic I think!

I've been an animal lover my entire life.  I got a cat when I was 2 and he died when I was 19.  He was my best friend.  I had a rabbit for eleven years that was litter trained, understood about 10-12 words (especially "treat"), and had his own bedroom.  Friends used to call him my first born.  But I always wanted a dog.  The kids wanted a dog too and would ask all the time.

When we finally moved to a house where we could comfortably keep a dog and it had plenty of space outdoors to run we made the decision to get one.  The only problem was that was where the "we" stopped.  The kids and I looked at lots of dogs, but my husband already had his mind made up.  He had to have "the most intelligent" dog.  I don't know if he was expecting it to do our darn taxes or what, but that's what he wanted.  So, two weeks before Christmas a couple of years ago, Molly, Molly, the Border Collie came into our lives.  (And soon after most of our antiques went out of our lives to the dump because she chewed everything in the house to pieces!)

Don't get me wrong, I love my Molly.  She is so sweet and affectionate (often known to do what we've come to call "kissy face" where if you're sitting on the floor, she suddenly puts both paws on your shoulders so you can't get away and gives you a good 10 second lick down - yuck).  Often she does display her canine intelligence with understanding many words and commands, and she also attempts to "talk."  She puts her ears back, sticks her face forward and then a long series of vowel sounds come out of her mouth causing us all to burst into laughter. 

But then there is this strange thing she does that I haven't quite figured out yet except that it must be because she's got a brain the size of a peach.  She cries to go out, so I'll open the back door.  She comes to the door, looks out, then backs up. So I shut the door.  She cries again  and goes to the basement stairs.  We go thru the process again at the basement door.  Then she cries again and goes to the front door.  This time when I open the door, she bombs through it and does a very impressive dive off the steps and runs off into the woods.  I don't get it.  We've decided that she must think each door leads to a different world or something.  Maybe it's like humans channel surfing.  I think she's just a little cwazy, but then again, so is I.

Lisa McLellan

Child Care Expert

It's always in the news these days and studies are being done on the effects of this - I'm referring to "overscheduling our children."  I know a lady in town who has 4 kids and they all do 4 different sports!!!!  I can't help but think "is she out of her bleeping mind?"  I live in a big sports town, but I often wonder if it is actually the kids that want to play all these sports or the parents making up for something maybe they missed out on in their own childhoods. 

The next town over has about 15 players on the girls middle school Lacrosse team, duxbury has about 65.  I am very old school when it comes to this scheduled stuff.  I really try to keep it to a minimum.  When my daughter was younger and she would go on a playdate to my girlfriend's house, my friend would have a craft planned for the kids, or bake cookies with them or take them to a movie etc.  This was very nice of her and took a lot of her time as well, but I always felt like it was too much and the kids should just go play.

When kids come to my house to play, I always say "No tv when you have friends over - go play."  I feel like they just need to go outside (weather permitting) and catch bugs, kick a ball around, run through the sprinkler, play explorers in the woods, whatever.  If it is cold or raining, they can play a board game, play cards, color or paint, or just play with dolls or action figures and use their imaginations.  I feel like using one's imagination is becoming a lost art.

I don't allow tv when friends are over because it is something that takes no thought or effort or imagination and they just sit like vegetables and stare.  There is little if any interaction between the children and almost no calories burned.  If it is a slumber party or an extra long playdate then I give in a little.  But, if a friend is coming over for 2 or 3 hours for a playdate, I say immediately "go play!"

Lisa McLellan

Child Care Expert

Now that it is the last week of school, I am getting the lists of the "good" teachers and the "bad" teachers from my son and daughter.  Of course, this is the opinion of 9 and 12 year olds.  I find it very interesting why they have labeled each teacher either good or bad.  This year I noticed that my daughter's favorite teacher was also the one she said was the most strict.  In the past, I'm sure this one would have been on the "bad" list.  It's funny how she finally realizes that being a "good" teacher doesn't mean she lets you chew gum in class and have an extra 20 minutes of recess!

High School is pretty much a big blur now.  I only remember a few teachers.  I remember all of my elementary school teachers but only a few after that.  I was an aspiring artist in high school and so of course I remember my dear sweet art teacher.  But also, we used to have a guest artist visit now and then, who was none other than Sam Cherone.  Who is Sam Cherone you ask?  Gary Cherone's father.  Gary Cherone of Extreme of course!  What a wonderful and talented man.  I was always in awe of his work.  And Gary's mom was my gym teacher.  She was nice, but I only remember her because she was Gary's mom.  :-) 

Mandy now has her list of her favorite teachers (and a couple of school bus drivers) that she wants to have over the house for dinner!  We've had a couple in the past, but now she wants to have a party and invite them all!  Crazy kid. Let me know if any teachers stand out in your memory - either "good" or "bad!"

If you've read many of my past blog posts, then you've probably heard me singing my daughters praises several times.  She's such a wonderful person.  But, she also attracts wonderful people.  She's really got some great friends.  Because I was so worried about what everybody else thought when I was a kid, thus afraid to be myself, I have enormous admiration for those who don't care.

Last summer when Mandy was 11, she had a girlfriend sleep over one night.  At bedtime, I went up to her room to say good night.  Usually, when I babysit or when we have kids sleep over, I give them a kiss goodnight on the forehead just because I figure their parents probably do, and I want them to know that I care about them too.  But this particular time, I thought maybe since they were going into middle school, her friends may be a little freaked out if I kissed them on the head or think I was weird or something.  So, I fully intended on just kissing Mandy, but saying good night to both of them. 

I leaned over and kissed Mandy on the cheek and said "good night baby doll, I love you."  Her friend looked over, then quickly jumped into bed, pulled up the covers and cleared her throat in a very obvious way.  I said "don't worry, I won't forget about you!"  Then she layed there grinning from ear to ear.  Of course, I gave her a good night kiss too!  I thought it was just adorable.

Friday night another friend of Mandy's slept over.  Now they are all 12 years old.  I thought surely her friends would be too old for a kiss goodnight from someone else's mom.  No way, very similar scenario.  I kissed Mandy goodnight, told her I loved her and her friend said "Don't forget about me!"  It was just precious.  I think it shows what kind of girls they are.  Just the simple fact that they made it known that they wanted their goodnight kisses too says miles about them.

One more quickie.  My son Mikey, 9,  is also very loveable and affectionate, but always tests limits and has a much harder time thinking about others before himself.  But, yesterday I was pleasantly surprised.  He called his friend's house to invite him over to play.  I heard him ask the parent if Steven could come over.  Then I heard him say very sincerely, "Ooohhhhh, I'm so sorry, ok, goodby."  Steven's dad told Mikey that Steven could not come over to play because his grandfather had just passed away.  I was so happy and proud that Mikey had the appropriate feelings and response because I would've expected him to say something more like "so why can't he come over" or "well, can he come over tomorrow?"  He hung up the phone and was genuinely sad for his friend.  I realized so much about him just with that sentence.   Those 6 words said so much more.

Lisa McLellan

Just looking for some opinions out there from any of you either regarding you or your children.

Before I had kids, I didn't feel like I NEEDED to pay for their college education.  I thought that if the kid had to pay for their own education then maybe he or she would be more attentive or more serious about it.  I thought maybe those who paid their own way would party less and work harder.  Now that I have children, I feel like I SHOULD pay for their education but I also WANT to.

I have no experience really with this because my kids haven't reached that age yet, and I went to school nights and the company I worked for paid about 90% of my tuition and books.  Between working full time and going to school, I didn't have time to party anyway.

Tell me your feelings and Ideas on who should pay, who did pay, or who is paying.

Lisa McLellan

I think I made a really big mistake today.  I was a chaperone for my daughter's field trip today to the beach.  We had a bus take us to the beach in the next town over because they have really great tide pools there.  After about an hour and a half of finding and identifying all different types of sea creatures and plants, we took the bus back to our beach.  There, we had lunch on our towels and the kids played in the sand for a while.  Next, it was time to walk back to the school.

About two-thirds of the sixth graders attended this field trip, so that was about 125 kids.  As we packed up our things and started walking down the beach, my daughter took my hand like she always does.  Now, I don't know how many of you have had experience with a daughter in middleschool or if you can remember back to what it was like, but girls can be really awful and mean at that age. 

Immediately, I could hear snickers, giggles, and comments from other girls behind us.  Assuming that my daughter just took my hand out of habit, I asked her if she was sure she wanted to hold my hand.  She answered with "Of course I do Mama!"  That should have been all I needed to hear.  But, as the giggling and comments continued, my desire to protect her became overwhelming.  So I dropped her hand (and I think I'll regret it forever) and told her that although I love holding her hand, I didn't think we should at that time.  I told her that I could hear comments and giggling and she said "So, I don't care, maybe they don't love their mothers, but I do!"

I have always taught her not to care what other people think and so she doesn't.  She doesn't ask for brand name clothing just because it's in style.  As a matter of fact, she doesn't ask for brand name clothing at all.  She just likes what she likes and it usually isn't any big name brand.  She really didn't care, and so, in my effort to protect her, I hurt her, and now it's killing me.

I explained to her before bed tonight and I apologized for hurting her.  I promised that whenever she wants to hold my hand again, I will always be more that happy to hold her hand because she and my son are my whole world.

My son is the same way.  He'll be sitting on the bench at a baseball game waiting to get up at bat, and then he'll just get up and run over to me and give me a hug and a kiss.  When other kids tease him, he always says, "I don't care, I love my Mama."  I am a very affectionate person and very much the "touchy feely" type.  I guess it rubbed off.

Lisa McLellan

How many of us grew up learning that two wrongs don't make a right?  I for one had it drilled into my head during my 10 years in CCD.  I started teaching my children this as well because it sounded like the right thing to do.  Then a couple of things changed my mind.

A girlfriend of mine was a strong believer in "use your words."  I also taught my kids that when they didn't like what someone was doing to use their words, not grab something away or hit them.  Then one day she told me how she had taken her son to the playground and while she was talking to another parent he got into a fight with another child.  He was about 4 or 5 at the time.  When she finally looked over the other boy had her son in a headlock and was punching him in the face.  Her son wouldn't fight back.  He was just crying and saying "You're not using your words" over and over with blood and tears running down his face.  Just the thought of that scene got me very upset.

A few months later, I had to bring my daughter to Mass Eye and Ear for some tests.  The routine is they take the kid in and put drops in their eyes to dilate the pupils then they have to wait in the waiting room for an hour or two then go back in the exam room for the tests.  Since there is usually long waiting periods, they have this two story play house in the waiting room that is big enough for the children to go inside of and play, (but really tough for an adult to get into).  On this particular day my daughter decided to play inside on the second floor of the playhouse.  The drops that were put in her eyes made her vision very blurry.  Another child climbed in after her and asked her if she wanted to play ball.  I was watching thru the plexi-glass window.  The other child threw the ball to Mandy, but Mandy couldn't see it clearly so it just hit her in the face.  The other child laughed and did it again.  It hit Mandy a second time right in the face.  Mandy looked over at me and I could see that she was about to cry.  So I banged on the window and said please don't do that again.  I think the other childs mom thought I was talking to my kid because she didn't even look up from her magazine.  The child just smiled at me and threw the ball right at Mandy's face again even harder and Mandy burst into tears. 

I must've looked live an elephant trying to get into a mouse hole, but I was inside that house and pulling Mandy out in about a fraction of a second.  My blood was boiling.  All i could think of was if Mandy threw the ball back and hit her in the face, she probably wouldn't have thought it was so funny anymore.

After that, we told our kids not to EVER hit anybody, unless they hit you first.  If they're using words, you use words.  If they throw a ball at you then you throw a ball at them.  If they hit you, you hit them harder and hopefully they'll think twice about hitting you again.   This is just my opinion and thoughts, I'm not trying to give advice.

Is that how the saying goes?  April was so great to send me a really interesting blog article the other day about over-coddling your children.  I really enjoyed the article, agreed with a lot of it but not all of it.  Have you ever gotten those e-mail things that say stuff like "I drank from the garden hose, rode in the way-back of a station wagon, sat in the bed of a pick up on the highway, etc. and I'm still here"  That kind of thing is true; I did a lot of those things too and I'm alive and well.  But, what I always think when I read those things is that the person saying it is fine, but what about all the children who died doing things like that?  They aren't here to send e-mails that say "I played on the train tracks and was killed by a train, I didn't wear my seat belt and was killed in an automobile accident, I held onto the back of a car while riding my skateboard and was killed instantly when I let go and was run over by the car behind me."  I know far too many children who are no longer with us because of things like these. Yes, I let my children wittle with "real knives," they catch frogs and snakes down at the bog, they love to shoot the bow and arrows, and they climb every tree they can, but there are plenty of things I don't let them do as well.  I'm getting off track here.

My point was about another comment on the article where some guy said "beat your kids" and something about if a kid needs a good whip, slap or punch for being a little @#$%^& then he's all for it.  He goes on to say that he's not suggesting "abuse per se...."   Well what the heck do you consider child abuse if you don't consider punching to be?   I can't think of any time that a parent should need or want to "Punch" their child.

Lots of people take a firm stand on one side or the other as to whether or not to spank their children.  I understand that.  Personally, I don't hit my children.  I once read something that said when you hit your children for misbehaving, you are teaching them that when you don't like what someone does, you hit them.  I saw this up close and in full action.  I have family that spank their kids.  When all the kids were younger we would get together alot, but we stopped because their kids were hitting my kids constantly for things like changing the tv channel, getting the last cookie, using a toy that they wanted.  We do tell our kids that its ok to hit someone back if they hit you first, but I'll post about why we started telling our kids that next time.

Lisa McLellan