If you have never felt the gut wrenching pain of being betrayed by someone you love, then you are very, very lucky. I can't remember worse emotional pain other than that caused by the death of a loved one. Betrayal often changes "everything." The way you look at that person, the way you feel about that person, your whole impression of them can change in an instant.
Why don't children feel the same pain caused by being betrayed? Your out in the kitchen and suddenly you hear a very loud crash come from the living room. You rush in to find your antique vase shattered into a thousand pieces. "Who did this?" you yell. Both children blame the other. Of course neither one wants to take the blame so they try to pin it on the other one. Then a few hours later they are happily playing again and the incident is forgotten. Is it that kids do this stuff all the time - that they betray each other so much that they become desensitized to it?
One day my son had a friend over and they were building models in his room. Suddenly his friend came running down stairs and said "Mrs. McLellan, your son just spilled the paint all over the rug!" I remember thinking to myself "kid, shouldn't you be watching your friend's back instead of throwing him into the lion's pen?" Of course I didn't say that out loud. My son heard him and was really angry. But, the very next day he called him up to come over and play again.
At what point do you suppose people feel so hurt by betrayal that they can't just forgive and forget?
Before you give in to a child's plea for a puppy, hamster, rabbit, kitten, etc., give it some serious thought. Realize that no matter how sincerely the child promises that she will clean the cage, feed it, walk it, or tend to any of it's other needs, there is a 99.9999999999....% chance that as soon as the novelty wears off, she's not going to do any of it unless she's forced to.
Children don't mean to make those promises and then break them, but caring for pets is usually a lot harder than it looks. Even playing with the pet can become a chore.
Time and time again I hear people say that their rabbit, bird or hamster "turned vicious." Most often a pet "turns vicious" because it becomes neglected. Animals that live in cages need to be taken out often. This is especially true with rabbits. Rabbits are actually much more intelligent than most people think. They need stimulation every day. simply taking the rabbit out of its cage and holding it for a few minutes isn't enough. They need to run around and explore a little.
If you are considering getting a pet for your child, remember that the pet will more than likely become your responsibility in a very short amount of time. If you aren't interested in cleaning the hamster cage or taking out the bunny daily, then do yourself and the animal a favor and don't get it for your child.
Lisa McLellan
Whether you are a parent, guardian, teacher, babysitter, or other child care provider, you will probably be trying to teach a child about sharing at some point. It is hard for small children to grasp the concept of sharing so when you witness a child sharing on his own be sure to offer generous praise.
While sharing is important for children to learn, they shouldn't be forced to share everything. After all, even adults don't always want to share everything. Suppose you just bought a brand new $80,000.00 car, you may be hesitant to share it with your neighbor. Before a playdate in your home, allow your child or the one your caring for, to put away a couple of special things that he doesn't have to share. Of course if he starts jamming every toy in the playroom into his closet then you need to explain what "a couple of things" means!
To assist children in learning to share try these tips:
- Make available activities that more than one child can do at a time, such as paper and crayons, puzzles, clay, or multi-player board games.
- Explain sharing by using examples of the child himself and his toys, a friend and her toys, how the situation is turned around when he plays at someone else's house, mention times friends shared things with him etc. The concept will be more easily understood if you can illustrate it by using examples.
- Set a timer when two children are fighting over one toy. Let each child have a few minutes with the toy and then they need to let the other child have a turn.
- Try having children trade toys that they are using so each shares a toy with the other and nobody is left empty handed.
- Model the behavior. Point out when you are sharing something with your toddler. For example "These are Mommy's crackers but mommy will share them with you."
- Finally, if all else fails, take the toy away until the children can agree to take turns or share.
Babysitters or Nannies who spend long hours with the children are often looking for fun, interesting, or exciting ways to pass some time. Board games are great and often take a while to play. Going to the playground or on a hike is fun an gets the kids moving. But don't forget about reading! Children of all ages love stories. Take a trip to the local library with the kids or just bring some books from home. You might even want to purchase some very inexpensive gently used books from a yardsale specifically to take with you babysitting.
Learning to read is vitally important for children and reading to them is a step in the right direction. Parents and caregivers alike: Let children see you reading. Read signs when you go for walks. Leave children's books on low shelves where children can help themselves. When you read to very young children and toddlers, keep it interactive and ask them to point out certain items on the page. If a child is learning to recognize letters, you could ask him to find a particular letter on that page. Have preschoolers play dress up and act out short stories or nursery rhymes. Make an alphabet book using pictures and letters cut from old magazines or used greeting cards. There are so many ways to promote reading.
Babysitter Tips, Jobs, and Classes
Check out your local library to see if they have a "pass plan." Many local libraries have a set of passes that allow you to get into museums and educational attractions in your area for greatly reduced rates or even free! For babysitters and nannies, this is a great way to spend time with the children and won't cost the parents a fortune. For parents, it is a great way to spend quality time with your kids while they have fun learning!
For example, a friend of mine and I took my 2 children to an educational attraction last summer that would have cost $74.00 for the four of us, but with the library pass it was only $20.00. We also went to a children's museum that would have cost $42.00 for the four of us and with the library pass it was only $8.00 total! Even if you don't have children, it's great for something to do with a friend or it is also nice for when you have out of town guests visiting and you'd like to show them some local sites. Check out your library today!
My good friend Rob Northrop commented on my last blog about how we also need to teach children to be able to accept a compliment graciously. This is very important. So many kids, especially preteen and teenage girls it seems, do not accept compliments well, and can even make the person who gave them the compliment wish they never said it.
Once when I was in 6th grade, I told my friend that I thought she was really pretty. She said, "No I'm not." Of course, I said, "You really are. You are so pretty!" Her response was, "Shut up, don't say that! I hate when people say that to me." Boy, was I sorry I paid that girl a compliment.
I can remember feeling really embarrassed and uncomfortable when people would compliment me when I was a teen. One of the most valuable lessons that I learned at modeling school in my younger day was how to graciously accept compliments without feeling awkward.
Several months ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Stewart Emery, one of the speakers at Kevin Hogan's wealth seminar in Las Vegas. While we were talking he paid me a wonderful compliment. I simply smiled and said "thank you." He then asked me where I learned to accept a compliment. That in itself was a compliment to me.
Begin teaching your children these social graces while they are young. Nobody should ever feel uncomfortable giving or receiving compliments or praise.
Some nannies and babysitters spend long hours with the children they care for. So most will spend at least a little time teaching or playing learning games with the kids. While learning the basics such as the alphabet, colors, shapes and numbers is very important, it is also important to teach children to be polite and gracious as well.
When somebody buys a gift for a child and the child reacts negatively, it usually hurts that person at least a little. Even though adults understand that children usually like getting toys instead of clothes, they still might feel a bit down if a child reacts with an angry expression, complains, or whines when he or she opens the present they've purchased for him or her.
Explain to children before birthday parties or holidays about which responses to gifts are appropriate, and which are not. Give them a hypothetical situation with the roles reversed to help them understand how the giver feels. Tell that that unwanted gifts can usually be exchanged so there's no need to say things like "this isn't the one I wanted!" or "I already have this game!" or "I don't like this kind!"
It doesn't take much energy to just smile and say thank you!
Did your kids receive "too many" toys this holiday season? This is a common complaint amongst parents from large families when all their siblings buy gifts for all the children or in blended families when children end up with four sets of grandparents and "step-aunts & uncles." This happens even in smaller families sometimes as well.
If the amount of toys seems overwhelming to you, save some for later! After the children open their presents, take a few that they seem less interested in, and put them away in a closet or attic. Then, after a few months when the children get bored of their other toys, swap them out. Put away a couple that they've lost interest in and take out some of the new ones. Save a new one or two for a rainy day!
You can even do this with toys that aren't new. Take some toys that the kids haven't played with in a while and tuck them away. A few months later, they seem like brand new toys when you pull them out and the children will enjoy playing with them all over again.
You can also put a few toys in a "babysitting box." Put a box or bin in a closet or under a bed and only take it out when the babysitter comes. The box can contain necessary items like a flashlight in case the power goes out, a small first aid kit, and bathtub thermometer, in addition to toys, games, and maybe a movie or two if you allow your children to watch movies while they're being cared for by a babysitter.
Babysitting Tips, Jobs, and Classes
