2 posts tagged “babysitting and bedtime”

When my son Mikey was a toddler, he would sqeeze between my husband and I whenever my husband tried to hug me.  He was definitely Mama's boy.  He wanted to sit next to me instead of my husband when we'd watch TV.  He'd ask me to snuggle him at night.  As he got older he'd want to be on my team when we'd all play a board game, and just about anything was better with Mama in the mix.  Well, my husband began to refer to him fondly as "Oedipus" only not in front of him.  It was a joke between my husband and I.  Then it got out of hand when my son began to manipulate me.

Mikey would eat fine all day.  He ate a healthy breakfast, lunch, snack after school, but come dinner time, the battle would begin.  Every night he would refuse to eat his dinner.  He would say he didn't like what we were having.  So remembering what a picky eater I was as a kid, I would sympathize with him and make him something different.  This drove my husband crazy, and so he asked me not to do it anymore.

When Mikey no longer got a special dinner, he would complain that his stomach hurt, or that he wasn't hungry, etc.  But then after dinner he'd be asking for ice cream.  Now I understand that dessert is not a reward for eating, but there was no way he was getting ice cream after not eating his dinner because then the ice cream would have been his dinner.  So then my husband would tell him that if he didn't eat his dinner then he would get nothing else before bed. He would get especially angry if Mikey wouldn't eat his meat. So all the more Mikey would refuse to eat his meat (beef, chicken, turkey). Of course at bedtime, there would be my baby boy looking up at me with his beautiful big brown eyes saying "Mama, I'm hungry."  Of course this broke my heart and so I would argue with my husband about it and eventually give Mikey something to eat.  I couldn't see how he was manipulating me.

It took a third party on the outside to point it out to me.  Finally, I could see clearly what was going on.  My son wanted to be in control. Much like those with eating disorders, he realized that this was one thing that he had almost complete control over.  When I fianlly figured this out, we decided he needed to have some control but he needed to eat as well (he's VERY thin).  So now, the rule at dinnertime is that he has to eat two of the three items he is served.  If we have steak, potatoes, and corn, then he can pick any two, but he has to eat the ones he picks.  It has worked brilliantly and it has been about 3 years since we started it.  It still angers my husband when Mikey chooses not to eat the meat, but he doesn't say anything because Mikey is keeping his end of the bargain.

Giving children a choice almost always prevents a power struggle.  When a child wants to pick out her own outfit in the morning but you can't possibly let her leave the house dressed in what she picked out, lay out 2 or 3 outfits for her to pick from.  When I'm babysitting and a child protests going to bed, I tell him that he has to go to bed so does he want "this book" or "that book" and he has one minute to decide or he gets no book.  It works everytime.

When I ran a daycare in my home, I worked from 6:00a.m. - 6:00p.m. and usually had between 4&6 children there at all times. I definately needed a break during the day.  There was no relaxing drive to the office listening to the radio (I'm sorry, by "relaxing drive" I meant being able to think complete thoughts without someone constantly interrupting - poor choice of words), no coffee break at 10:30a.m., no going out for lunch etc.  But what got me through the day was "nap time!"  I had two hours in the middle of the day when I could eat my lunch, clean up the lunch dishes and any other mess from the first half of the day and prepare for the afternoon. 

So at 1:00 it was sleepy-by time for everyone no matter what.  Every new child/baby would protest the first week.  But when they found out I wasn't budging, they learned to just lay down and go to sleep.  It was wonderful.  I learned that if you can deal with the crying, children adjust to most things in a week.  No more pacifier - after 3 or 4 nights without it - bang the need seems to disappear and the child just goes to sleep.  You have to "stick to your guns."

Now with my own 9 and 12 year old, I've found that I lost those magical powers of having everyone to bed at the same time and going to sleep too!  Someone has always forgotten something right at bedtime, or gets up 1/2 an hour later saying they can't sleep, or they're not done with their homework.

Funny thing is that when I'm babysitting, my magical powers come back.  Bedtime is bedtime no matter what.  After I have babysat for a particular family for a few times, the kids don't even ask to stay up anymore, they just go to bed.

I need a spare wand for the house!